ACT III Who's the Blond?
Hi It's me again, Evil Emperor Zurg, your narrator. Please stand behind the
blue / yellow / red line. The doors will open towards you. For the safety of our
cast, please no flash photography.
That cast includes Zurgswife who in this act will also be playing Barbie, Kelley
10, a pair of Buzzes 8 and 7 (but the younger buzz wants to be Quail Kid and/or
Aaron Carter), and Her Royal Majesty Delaney - Snow White - Cinderella - Jessie
– Maleficent (DSWCJM) 3.
Act II closed as a musical with us singing BOX OF RAIN in the rain.
The kids were now getting cold but our little piece of the palace comes with a
Jacuzzi. Cold and wet kids loose sight of the magic but a trip through the hot
tub brings it back into focus.
The donuts, by now, had worn off. The Emperor's subjects are demanding food but
his cupboards are as bare as old Mother Hubbard's. Time for the Emperor to pay a
call on his royal friend - the King - the Burger King in route to Wal-Mart.
Giddy from our release from the dungeon of our first night we inexplicably
returned to the scene if the crime - 192. We enjoyed a relatively empty Burger
King. Then sat in traffic not moving through the road construction. This
particular piece of highway is maintained using a similar science as
Philadelphia meteorology. Evil Emperor Zurg sees this for what it is - the
sinister interaction of economic factors, construction and the eventual need for
a potty stop combining to make tourist trap parking lots look attractive. Zurg
just laughs everyone went at the King's.
Zurg notices that cars appear to be moving faster in the parking lots along the
side of the "highway" than on the road. But he is not fooled by these
petty deceptions. Any Evil Emperor would know they are employees of the tourist
traps driving back and forth simulating a way out when none exists. A car that
ventures their way will be consumed like a fly in a Venus
Flytrap. Zurg’s has a grudging admiration for these devious entrapments
but is still none too happy with 192.
The kids full of fast food a phrase that hears means grease, sugar, fat,
cholesterol and caffeine are bouncing loudly in the back seat. Where is Norman
Rockwell? This is a scene of Americana!
We reach the location of the alleged accident that had traffic stopped. It is at
the intersections of 192 and 525 cops, tow truck, fire truck, no bent up cars or
victims. It strikes Zurg that this is "accident" was staged by the
locals to drive traffic into the retail establishments. Both 535 and 192 are
backed up all the way to Disney’s property line. Zurg does not believe in
coincidence when there is a conspiracy theory to be advanced and wonders if they
perform this 'Show' every Sunday? Once again Zurg is impressed by the assumed
deception.
Wal-Mart is packed. We use two-way radios to work the place buying tons of food,
back ups for the Buzzes' wet shoes and still save over a hundred buck over the
half ton of food and no shoes we bought last season at Goodings. The Evil
Emperor has even more appreciation for rip-off pricing at Goodings than before
realizing that if they called it Evilings no one would go near the place.
We attempt another route back - 535 to Osceola Parkway and turn right just past
the Pop Century construction site. We are at Boardwalk in 10 minutes. 192 is the
kind of road only a Very Evil Emperor can love.
Unpacking food: Double Stuff Oreo, milk, cereal, milk, frozen burgers, milk,
blond hair dye, milk, pop tarts...
Wait a second! BLOND HAIR DYE?!?
It seams that Buzz / Quail Kid really wants to look like Aaron Carter and
Zurgswife thinks playing Barbie doll with someone's head it is a fun idea.
For the rest of the trip I keep wondering who the
blond kid hanging around with us is. 
Next ACT IV Snow White & the leather clad Pagens
