LY/MI, Chapter 6
I like wet butts and I cannot lie.

 

Dear God, it’s me, Wobin. Please, let it still be raining outside. Thank you. Have a nice day.

I crawled out of bed and cracked open the curtain. Outside was hot, hazy, humid and not a cloud in the sky. Dag-nab-it!

The phone rang and Del rolled over to pick it up. “It’s Nikki.” He said holding the phone up and looking at me with one eye open.

‘Mickey?’

‘No, Nikki. Did you name her that JUST because it sounded like Mickey?’

‘No, honestly, total coincidence. But I was expecting a call for him, not her.’

“We are starving to death and about to go to the food court for breakfast. Are you interested at all?” Nikki sang into the phone.

My family is never hungry; they are always on the verge of ‘starving to death.’

“Nah, you guys go ahead. Del and I are going to eat at the Main St. bakery. Enjoy.” I sang back at her.

“The bakery?” Her voice rising, “You have exactly 10 minutes to be out the door.”

Knowing that one of Nikki’s favorite breakfast spots is the Main St. bakery AND she still had that air horn, but hadn’t had an opportunity to torture anyone with it yet, I took this very seriously.

Del’s feet were a complete disaster. I talked him into putting on some moleskin and socks before he ended up in a wheelchair because he couldn't use his feet anymore.

Then after he had his feet dressed, I took that opportunity to make fun of him.

If he had only listened to me back in Maine, that wouldn’t have happened. He only had himself to blame for that.

9 ½ minutes later, Del, his socks and sandals and I were standing outside our room sizing up the weather for the day. Em, Curt, and Commando ‘hurry up, we have to go now, we have a bakery to hit’ Nikki came out and joined us.

Van to Tram to Monorail to Turnstiles and we were standing on Main St headed for the bakery. Nikki was pleased.



Del and Nikki had the trays of food and Curt had the juices. One at a time they walked passed the cashier as he rang up our breakfast. They continued walking out the door to wait outside because it was getting crowded. I took out a travelers check and asked the cashier for a pen.

“I can’t break that.” The cashier said.

Oh, crap. What are we going to do about that?

I could see the crew from where I was standing and asked Em if she would go see if any of them had any money on them. When I said that, I should have been more specific, and said Nikki or Curt. I could have done what she did next.

Em took three steps away from me and yelled out the door “DADDY! HEY, DADDY! WOBIN NEEDS SOME MONEY! HERS IS NO GOOD!”

Now the crowd was looking at me, thinking I am a counter fitter. Thanks Em.

Now, as you may recall from past stories, Del is not allowed to carry his license, park tickets OR money. Del has a wife because he needs one, remember?

Em doesn’t know the ‘daddy rules’.

Del turned and looked at Em with his eyes and mouth wide open. That’s what panic looks like. I know thoughts of us being thrown to the ground and arrested for shoplifting muffins or being forced into the kitchen to wash dishes raced through his mind.

Curt came back into the bakery and rescued me.

We took our breakfast that we legally owned and walked around the corner to the tables. As I made my way around the corner, I had to stop short because a bird dive bombed me. I took another couple of steps and another bird dive bombed me.

“They either recognize you from MGM, and want your breakfast or you smell like worms.” Del said.

Eww, I really hoped I didn't smell like worms. Where would you sniff yourself to figure that out?



I took a couple pictures and a little video before I realized Del had let Em get a cupcake for breakfast. Del is a great daddy, but an inexperienced father. It didn't seem to him that it would be a bad idea to let her have a cupcake for breakfast. She was on vacation and she wanted it.

Em’s eyeballs were vibrating by the time we finished breakfast.

We really didn't have any major plans for the day. We were just going to putter around the Magic Kingdom for a while then head back to the pool. We all had had about as much of the heat as we could stand.

We headed for inside rides. We hadn’t gone on the Haunted Mansion yet, so we headed in that direction.

We had to stop for a castle picture.


As we made our way in the direction of the Haunted Mansion, there was a park photographer, meekly smiling at people. You could tell she was a little on the shy side.

Rumor has it that after a park photographer takes a certain amount of photos Disney lets them keep their cameras. This is what we were told by a CM and wanted to help out his sweet, shy girl keep her camera.

She took a couple shots of us, and then we took one of her. Isn't she just adorable? She was earning her ears.



Her pictures were some of the few I actually bought. She is a very good photographer.

The wait time at the Haunted Mansion was not too bad. Having forgotten to warn Curt about the moving sidewalk, he went for a wobble.



Opps, the flash went off.



This one got me yelled at. Twoublemaker.



Exiting the doom buggy, Curt had another wobble.

100 years ago, or maybe a few months ago, my memory isn’t like it used to be, I had read Nikki the story about the Haunted Mansion that I had found on the internet.

She wanted me to tell it to Curt and I couldn’t. I tried but I kept screwing it up. When we exited the ride we asked the CM standing there if he knew it.

He did, but couldn't tell like this other CM. She was a great story teller. I didn't get a picture of her, but we did get it on video but I can’t read her name tag. She told us the story of Master Gracie and his wives then showed us where the ring was. She is an older lady with short blond hair. Look for her; ask for the story teller, she is great.

Boy, that certainly was some useful information, wasn’t it?

Here, have a few of pictures.









The heat was getting to us again. (Read that as me.) Past experience has shown that the ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ is a good place to go when you can’t take the heat.



Exiting the Pirates, Curt had yet another wobble. We found out later, that of all the wobbles Curt participated in, this was his least favorite. He doesn’t like to wobble uphill.

I handled the next event with all the grace and charm of a three year old. I don’t know what got into me.

Nikki, Curt and Em went to get some power aide while Del and I sat on the bench in the smoking area next to Pirates in a little alley way. At the end of the alley is a set of doors.

I really wasn’t paying too much attention when the doors opened, but when I looked up, Captain Hook and his character handler were walking past us.

I jumped and screamed at the same time. Captain Hook walked past me, staring at me while his handler laughed.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Del asked after he had grabbed my arm to keep me from taking off in a dead run.

“He scared me.” I said, out of breath from nearly having a stroke.

“Seriously? You’re afraid of Captain Hook?” Del said now laughing at me.

“It turns out that I am. It is news to me too okay?” I said a little embarrassed.

I was a lot more embarrassed when I took a second to look around and noticed how many people were sitting in that particular smoking area. They were all looking back at me.

I dropped my head into my hands. Good grief, what was that about?

The kids came into the alley with the power aide. Nikki handed me a bottle while listening to Del tell the story of how I was nearly murdered by Captain Hook.

Oh, wait. Maybe that was my side of the story. Yeah, that’s right, Del was still too busy laughing at me to tell her anything.

Did you know that when something scares the crap out of you, you sweat more? I couldn't believe it was possible, but I was sweating more than I had been before. I was even sweating behind my knees, for crying out loud.

Fear is a moist emotion.

I had to get out of the heat and into a pool. There was no denying that. I’m a grown adult and I screamed when I saw Captain Hook. It had to be the effects of the heat, I’m not really afraid of a college student in a costume.

Grasshoppers on the other hand…

We took a vote and it was unanimous that we wanted to go swimming. On the walk towards Main St. the kids wanted to go walk though the ‘Swiss Family Robinson Tree house.’

I told them to “go ahead, pick me up when you done.”



You know, we didn’t do very much that morning and we were okay with that. It wasn’t our first trip, it certainly won’t be our last trip, but as I lay on that bench in that unbearable heat, I couldn't help but feel sorry for some of the people around us. People there for the first time or the ones who were on the trip of a lifetime. This had to suck out loud for them.

The heat sucked for us too, but we expected it and planned on spending more time in the pool than the parks. So we weren’t disappointed. I saw quiet a few unhappy people while I was lying on that bench.

I also saw more under one mans’ shorts than I should have when he sat down.

The kids came and collected me when they came out of the tree house. Em was begging us to go back to the room for a swim. She looked totally wiped out. I think she had a cupcake crash.

We walked through the gift shops to the exit to steal the air conditioning. (I am an air conditioning thief.) On the way to the exit from the gift shop, I stopped to look at some coffee cups. The crew had wandered off to look at whatever they look at when I’m not keeping an eye on them.

There was a man standing at the coffee cup rack when I approached. Just as I reached my hand up to take a better look at a Donald cup, he grabbed my arm.

Without taking his eyes off the coffee cup he was holding he asked me “Do you think your sister would like this one?”

‘Huh?’

“I don’t have a sister, but I appreciate you thinking of my family on your vacation.” I said.

The man, still holding a coffee cup in one hand and me in the other, looked me right in the eye and said “You’re not my wife.”

No shit.

“And you’re still holding my arm.” I said back at him with a chuckle.

Still holding the coffee cup, he finally released me and walked off to, I assume, find his wife. I’m not sure if he knew what she looked like.

I collected my crew and we headed out.

Turnstiles to Monorail to Tram to Van and we were back at Pop Century.

When we pulled into the parking lot, Em was sound asleep. Either the cupcake had worn completely off or she fainted because of my driving.

We got into our still damp bathing suits that had been hanging in air conditioning for several hours. That’s a cheap thrill if you are ever looking for one.

We went to the pool, cooled off (actually warmed up, those suits were pretty freaking cold) then Del and I went to sit at a table. Curt and Nikki sat with us for a few minutes, but decided to go back to their room for a much needed nap.

Del and I were chatting away when my cell phone rang.

Uh, oh.

It was Em’s mother.

Someone STILL forgot to let her know where we really were.

“HI,” she screamed into the phone, “WHAT TIME IS IT THERE?”

I’m not sure what she was holding in HER hand, but I had a cell phone, NOT a tin can with a string at the end of it. She really didn't need to be screaming like that.

I apologized like a mad woman for forgetting to call her. Then I told her we were in Florida. “Why?” She asked. “Tell me you’re not in Disney again.”

“Uh, okay. Then I’ll just tell you we are a bit more South than Alaska.”

I get really sick and tired of defending my vacation choice. We like Disney; we play and have fun in Disney, why would we NOT want to be here?

I tried to explain it to Em’s mom, but I know she doesn’t get it. She thinks I have a crack-like habit when it comes to Disney. Maybe someday she will go, and then she would understand.

Em talked to her mom and everything seemed like it was okay. If my daughter was bubbling over with excitement telling me what a great time she was having, I would be happy for her. I didn't talk to her again, so I’m not sure how she feels about it.

After Em’s finished her phone call, she started to go back to the pool. She got about half way to the pool when it suddenly started down pouring.

“Let’s go kiddo!” I called to her.

“Why? You afraid I’ll get wet?” Em said with her hands on her hips and just a bit too sarcastic for my liking. No sooner were the words out of her mouth when there was a huge clap of thunder. Em’s eyes nearly fell out of her head and she started running towards me. “Sorry, Wobin. Sorry!”

“Yeah, don’t let it happen again. That was just a warning.” I laughed at her as she ran past me.

We went back to the rooms, took a shower, had a little nap, and got ready to go to MGM.

It was still drizzling a little bit and for the first time since I had gotten to Florida, I was hoping it would stop so we could see Lights, Motor, Action Extreme stunt show.

Nikki enjoyed her nap and when she got up, she was being foolish.



She started a slapping fight with Curt:



Curt won:



So happy to be refreshed:



We parked the van and I took a picture of the sign. We got on the tram and all of us ended up with wet butts.

We were heading for the Rock ‘n Rollercoaster. On the way, we had to do a squat-walk.

Everyone has done it. You’re walking along at a pretty good pace with a mission in mind and before you know it, you are milliseconds way from being in front of someone’s camera.

You can’t stop short, if you do, you’ll be the cause of an 11 person ‘people pile-up’ and in the land of the lawsuits, you don’t want that.

You can’t just stroll in front of the person’s camera, unless you have really great earrings on and you want them to know it.

You HAVE to do the squat-walk.

This is what you look like when you do it.



The second picture, Del was signing LOUDLY “I like wet butts and I cannot lie…”



We got to the Rock ‘n Rollercoaster and while I got some fast passes for Tower of Terror, the crew managed to get a quick ride in. In my experience, when it rains people avoid R ’n R. I don’t understand that.

Once they got off the ride we headed for the Sci-fi Theater. Nikki had never eaten there before; she missed it the last time we went.

The last time we went, we were caught in the rain then too. The Sci-fi is extremely air conditioned and if you’re wet, you’re going to freeze.

Em is convinced I do it to her on purpose. “Wobin, why don’t we ever bring a coat when we come here?”

I really like the Sci-fi, not for the food, but because of the theme. I love walking through that door way and being transported into the 50’s at a drive in. The only thing that seems to be missing are the mosquitoes.

Now, if you look at this picture, you can see the location of your food and drinks when you are in the car. It is up against the back of the person sitting in front of you. Em is so cute in this picture; she looks just like her mom. I’ll admit it, her mom is cute.



Nikki had put her hand on the back of her seat to turn around and talk to Del and me. Just as she did, Del screamed. “Don’t put your fingers in my beer! Why would you do that? What did I do to you?”

“I didn't mean too!” She said.

You can see it was an accident; Nikki wouldn’t just turn around and dip her fingers in someone’s drink. Del couldn't/wouldn’t get over it. He took pictures.



This is the threat of finger beer.



This is a slightly more serious threat.



Nikki hates beer; she is more of a milkshake kind of gal.



This is such a fun place to eat. I just wished they served things like cheeseburgers and hot dogs. Food found in the 50’s at a drive-in. I had some kind of grilled vegetable thing that was good, but I couldn't really see what I was eating because a drive-in is pretty dark.



It was so cold in the Sci-fi that when we came outside into the heat, the lens of my cameras kept fogging up.

I think in this picture, Nikki is telling Curt how she saw something in the grass over at Epcot and almost stuck her finger in it. (Someone had gotten sick. Remember?) Either that or she is saying that she is really full.



The rain had stopped so I asked a passing CM if they would be having the Lights, Motor, Action, Extreme Stunt show. “Oh, yes. And you should have no problem getting in. Most people left because of the rain.”

Great! We were finally going to get to see it. We were very excited, being a fast-loud-car-on-fire loving family.

We walked to the entrance of the show and gathered with groups of other people that were waiting for the turnstiles to open. It didn't look like it was going to be too bad.

Until they opened the turnstiles.

They jammed us in like cattle. We walked through the turnstiles to all be smooshed up together waiting for the gates to open. We stood there for about 15 minutes, with everyone breathing, making the humidity climb. People all around us were getting upset because we were almost standing on top of each other. The camcorder hanging from my shoulder became a close personal friend of the guy smashed up against my back.

I don’t think he liked it very much. Oh, god, I hope he didn't like it.

Okay, I just realized my camcorder may have been violated. If that isn’t covered under my warrantee, I’m going to have to buy another one.

Once the line started moving, the CM’s were rushing people up the stadium steps. It was a pretty steep climb and some people were having trouble keeping up. They opened the other side and started rushing people over there.

“Well, this is a lot of fun so far.” Del said as we were being pushed to the other side.

We had to form a family chain to keep together. Curt held Nikki’s hand, which held mine, which held Dels’, which held Em’s.

We climbed the bleachers and were ushered into our seats. I ended up sitting square behind a pole.



If we had made it to the show the other day when the heat was so unbearable, I can honestly say I never would have survived it. There is a cover over the bleachers that keep the sun from beating you in the head but with all that skin-to-skin contact with strangers, it was muggy, hot and sticky.

If you are from the north and you felt you must see this show, go to the last one and only after it has rained and cooled things off a little bit. If you don’t you might give Nikki something else not to stick her finger into.

The show really wasn’t what we were expecting. It was okay, but I think we will skip it next time. The only thing I really liked about the show is the lady from Millionaire was riding on the back of a truck as part of the film crew, and I just LOVE her and Herbie the love bug showed up and even after we warned him, he drove into a tunnel and split in half. Other than that, it was kind of boring.

Here in Maine, we have a place called Beach Ridge Speedway. A couple times a year they have a thing called Day of Destruction. People take their cars and do different kinds of races, backwards, ramps, dodge ball, demolition...I think that’s what we had in mind when we went into the show. You know, extreme stunts.

This show is more about how the cars are designed. They did do a couple doughnuts and one jump, but nobody flipped over and nothing but one guy caught on fire. The cars drove fast and close to each other and at one point they threw in a couple motorcycles, but if you have ever driven in New York, you have already seen that.

I really hate to be negative about anything related to Disney, but we didn’t enjoy this show at all.



Okay, Nikki and Del just read this and want you to know it sucked. No beating around the bush with them.

We had stayed seated while the mobs of people poured out of the stands. Once we were out of the stadium, Del headed for a beer cart and the girls and I went into the ladies room.

I don’t know where Curt went; it wasn’t my turn to baby-sit him.

While we were in the ladies room standing at the sink, Nikki turned and looked at me. “For the love of God mom, will you please fix your sunglasses?”

They were still quite crooked from when I stomped on them in Dinosaur.

I looked at the lady next to me who had been listening to us and she said “Yes, dear. That is just awful. Is it the sunglasses or are your ears crooked?” And without missing a beat, the lady put both hands on the sides of my head to tip it and try to straighten out my problem.

AAAAACCCCKKKKK!! Did she already wash her hands?! They didn't feel wet! OMG! Who does that?!

Horrified, I quickly thanked the lady for her assistance and bolted out of the ladies room as quickly as possible before she tried to adjust anything else that may appear crooked on my person.

We met back up with guys who wanted to go into Muppets 3-D. Oh, excuse me, no, Em wanted to go in, they were just being good sports about it. (Is that what I was supposed to say guys?)

We went in Muppets and saw ‘a net full of jello’, but I didn't know where the key was. I really couldn't look around for it because of the people coming in behind us. I would have been at risk for trampling.



We went into the theater and had a seat. After I sat down, I noticed Del still had a beer in his hand. “How did you get that in here?” I asked him.

“I walked in behind you.” He said and gave me a look like I was nuts.

“You’re not supposed to have food or drink in here. Did you hide it?” I asked.

“Where the hell would I hide a cup of beer? Put it in my pocket? I walked by 2 CM’s and they didn't care if I had it.” He said and chugged the cup of beer. “How do they feel about an empty cup?”



Muppets is one of the 3-D shows I can see the effects of if I watch it with my eyes slightly crossed. I found that out by accident one year, I was examining a hair that was in my face to see if it was gray or not when I was almost smacked in the face with a pie. If I don’t cross my eyes, all I get is double vision.

Honey, I Shrunk the Audience I can’t see at all.

We came out of Muppets and goofed off in the gift shop for a few minutes before heading into the rest of the park.



The park was pretty empty for some reason. The crew thinks it’s because people were so disappointed with the ‘stunt show that didn't really do any cool stunts’ that they left in protest.

The ride lines were practically empty, so they went on Star Tours with their hands in the air cheering and excited about it and then we headed over to Tower of Terror.

While they went on Tower, I went and found a spot to lie down and watch the stars. I was over near the exit of Tower next a big set of doors. Next to the doors was a little alley way that I didn't know where it leads to, but I watched a few people go in it.

They didn't come back out. I was a bit concerned for them, but not enough to get up from my star watching spot.

After a short wait, I saw Em running like her butt was on fire out of the exit of Tower with her hands in the air, cheering, back towards the entrance of it. “Hey! Where are you going and where is daddy?” I yelled to her.

“I’m going back on! Daddy is behind me!” she called back and two seconds after she said it, out came Del, Nikki and Curt with their hands in the air, cheering.

I was interrupting the ‘and excited about it.’

They went back on and I went back to my star gazing. A few more people disappeared into the little alley way.

What the hell is back there?

I have some friends that are DVC members and have found things in MGM that I didn't know existed, like a boat that takes you to the Swan and then to the mystery place where Beaches and Cream is located. (Nobody ever DID tell me where we were.) I thought maybe these people were on a secret DVC pathway heading to a destination unknown.

I continued my star gazing and think I caught a quick nap. I was awoken to Del standing over me saying they were going back on Tower again because there was no line and they were walking on to it each time.

I decided I had better give up the star gazing and sit up because sleeping next to an alley way that people were disappearing into probably wasn’t one of the safest things I could be doing.

While they ran off, hands in the air, cheering with excitement, I noticed there was a CM now standing in front of the little alley way. He was re-directing people, saying “Sorry, this is the exit.”

Exit to what? What am I missing? I couldn't think of anything that could be back there.

The sound of music and fireworks didn't even give me a clue.

The crew came back out of the exit of Tower and I told them about the mystery alley way that many people had disappeared into and now there was a CM stopping them from doing it. I was expressing concern for their safety when Em walked across the walkway to the side where the alley way was. She was lizard hunting.

She may have been a grand total of 10 feet away from us.

“Em, you had better…” I started to say when the big doors opened and 47 million people started pouring out of them.

Holy shit! How long did I sleep?

Em was trapped on the other side while people were stampeding out of Fantasmic. She made a couple attempts to get back over to us, but was nearly trampled. She got a few steps into the crowd and would have to run back to the other side before she got mowed over by a stroller or a backpack wearing ‘not looking where they are walking because they are looking behind them’ person.

“Stay there! Don’t move! Put you hand on the wall and don’t let go!” We yelled over the crowd to her.

The four of us stood on our side watching Em. If anyone had laid a finger on her, they have no idea how bad that situation would have become. We made a couple of attempts to get to her, but there was no way to get across that mob without someone getting hurt.

We could see her; we just had to wait a few minutes for a break in people traffic.

When a break came, Em ran as fast as she could over to us.

“So, Wobin. You didn't know THAT was going to happen?” Em said as soon as she got close enough to us.

Nope, came as a surprise to me too. When we went to Fantasmic we used a different exit.

“You okay? What can I do?” I asked her.

“Well, I could go for some candy now.” She said.

I think that is the ‘kid equivalent’ of ‘I need a drink’.

Del threatened to put a leash on Em and they argued about that all the way to the candy store at the end of the road.

Each of us chose some kind of heaven dipped in chocolate. You can’t make a bad choice in that candy store. Curt got a piece of fudge and I saw the guy put it in the bag.

It ended up missing by the time we got back to Pop Century. I considered calling lost and found, but Curt said he didn't want it back.

If you find it, you can keep it.

On the way to the parking lot via tram, we could see the mob of people that came crowding out of Fantasmic now standing waiting for the buses. I had an urge to hug an Alamo clerk.

I knew as we pulled into the parking lot at Pop Century that the people who were waiting for the buses, were still standing there waiting.

Rental cars are the only way to go. Just don’t rent an invisible one.

We got to the rooms when Nikki explained that we were going to go to Typhoon Lagoon the next day. It was too hot during the day to enjoy anything anyway; we would end up at the pool, so it only stood to reason that we should hit a water park.

The fun of rides combined with the pleasure of water, sounded good to us.

We hit the sack and looked forward to the next day. Nikki had no idea how much I was looking forward to it. She had no idea that the next day was her birthday.